I was in no doubt now that my preference was for girls. I had no attraction at all to the boys in my class at school yet I could quite easily fancy quite a few of my female classmates. Jackie, in particular, was getting my juices flowing on a regular basis, and that was the second thing that happened before I was 16.Jax had asked me if I would sleep over at her house when her parents went away for a weekend. Mum asked, "Isn't that the girl you fancy at school?" Yes, but I'm not sure she likes me in the same way." Well, my love, perhaps this is your chance to find out. Be careful though; don't go in with both feet, just edge the conversation down that path and see how she reacts. Always leave yourself a way of backtracking if she doesn't bite, you don't want to lose the friendship or spook her."This seemed sound advice and all the way over to Jackie's house I thought through some ways I could channel the conversation. As it happens she proved only too willing to 'bite' as Mum put it!. With everything that I've been through, I never really paid attention to the impact I'd have on people. I mean I knew my family would miss me, but since I don't have anyone in my life, well, I thought that I wouldn't be missed much." So you are putting your self worth in someone else, who is not here? Maybe it's because you've been sick so much, but that's a pretty bad way of looking at the importance of your life Patrick."Maybe you're right. Maybe I place the importance of others before myself. But, I got to tell you, in the end my importance is minimal. I have nothing to show for my life other than the memories that others have of me, and if I am to die because of Cancer, then those memories will be of me in this sickly body." There is more to you than what people can see Patrick. Much more." You may be right, but I, I just don't see it. There was a time, just a few weeks ago, before they found that the cancer had returned, that I didn't want to continue with the dialysis. It costs.
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